Work

So i kinda got a job.. hehe yes first day working there todai.. abit tirring.. ma bak kinda hurts but itz fine now.. too much standing i guess.. hehe.. it was alright.. onli did 5hours tho.. me wanna look for a better job.. keke for now just work there til i can find a better one.. part time tho.. coz i still got skol.. ekkk..

love me true..

I just thought i should write something.. these last few days ive been so messed up.. especially at night time, b4 bed.. dun mean to sound so sad, but thatz whatz been happening to me like these last 4 nights.. tonight i feel abit better.. dun feel lyk crying or breaking down.. last night was the worst... wen i heard the latest news.. couldnt help myself.. it was so bad.. i didnt even get to visit her onced and now i can never.. always wanted but one week lead to another, etc.. the pain hurt so much and last night was one of the worst since the funeral.. 8weeks.. 2months.. it seemed lyk last week wen we last went out... i can still picture the last time we went clubbing and the last time i droped her off (the day b4 it all) and i can imagine the way she looked, her smile, her face expression etc.. it seemed so yeasterdai but reality its been 8long painful weeks..

i regret all the things we didnt get to do together.. we had so many plans.. i regret not going out more (even tho we went out so much that i always got in trouble wif the Mr., but im glad we did.. we had alot of good times.. 2004-2005 was our year.. Heaven (night club) every Saturdai.. lols.. hmmm.. DS can not function wifout the V, but once apon atime we were DVS.. (devious for u slow intakers, but we didnt make up the name, it was in front of us.. we used to have big letter (bling bling) necklace of the first letter of our name.. wore it all da time wen we went clubbing.. showed it off to ppl and once day someone just said DVS.. ohh Devious.. and yeah.. something along those lines..)

wanted to drink away ma sorrows, but as the day wen on i was quite ok (for now).. well i dun mind drinking, but itz good that i didnt go out tonight.. focus on study.. lols.. (sometimes im too messed up to even think about studing.. im way behind.. i noe i should get ma act together but easier sad then done..) ive been going out too much any ways.. clubbing will never be the same.. but sometimes itz just good (better) to be out n about (half drunk n all..) then at home alone.. thinking.. which leads to sadness etc.. the pain is just too much sometimes.. well any ways enough of sad reading for u whos reading this.. hehe.. mwah!!!

First Fine...

dammmn... b4 i get to ma ticket let me start from how ma day was.. lols.. FREAKEN COLD in class.. last class 2 hours.. i was freezing ma legs/arms off... literally i felt like ice.. god... i hate that.. so hot outside but so darn cold inside coz of da damm air con.. like full blast.. gez... any ways ma sis wasnt working today so i took da car to skol.. any ways i didnt realli noe where to park coz they dun even have a proper car park.. well there was no car park at all, none near the uni area.. any ways there's this underground carpark thing.. so i thought maybe i can park there (coz i see it all the time when i enter and leave ze uni) well i thought maybe itz a private or something since i never see much cars come out.. any whos i thought i'd drive there and if i see some sign that say we cant park then i wont, but i didnt, so i thought oh cool.. and there wasnt even a money thing where u have to put money in for ticket and place on ur window (whatever thatz all..) lols.. the car park was full but i found one spot so i parked there... then when it was home time i came out, looked to see if i got a ticket then i didnt c nothing so i was pretty happy wif ma self.. lols... a parking near skol and dun need to put money for a ticket.. haha.. then i went to subway near ma area coz i havent ate all day... then wen i went to da car to go home i saw something sticking on the wind wiper thing and i took and DANG!!! a parking fine... reads : Parking without a valid permit displayed University of Adelaide... dang i didnt even noe that parking was part of Adelaide uni.. i go to South Australia Uni, lols which r close by.. any who i just had a thought.. maybe coz i didnt buy a ticket? Maybe u suppose to buy a ticket and display it? No??!! I duno... i should ask someone.. so maybe we can park there but need a ticket? or maybe we need one of those permit that it mentions, i dun even noe what that is.. well cant let ma sis noe.. lols.. or too much naggin blah blah~~ just gota pay it off maself.. it says something from 24hrs.. hmmm so maybe i do need to buy a ticket? Goddammm didnt c a ticket machine.. i was onli there for like hmmm.. over 4 hours... they should have signs if u cant park there.. so confusing i dun noe nothing.... at least if it said private or something like that i would noe not to park.. was too in a rush too look at other car.. dangit.. i have come to a conclusion to myself that i prob needed to buy a ticket.. we'll leave it at that... LONG WEEKEND YAY!!!!! NO CLASS ON MONDAY!!! DOUBLE YAY!!!! ALOT OF HOMEWORK... BOOOO!!!!!

Yesterdai..

Suddenly saw him at uni, was using one of da computers, looking for da printer, turned right and saw him and i was like omg... there wasnt any printer there so i decided to log off and go talk to him... called out his name.. we talked for abit.. but we werent realli talking, not about the things we wanted to say any ways... b4 i saw him, i was thinking of calling him and asking what happened.. i mean i knew what happened but i just need answers i guess... i mean not answers coz i noe what happened.. but i just need to noe more thatz all... but neither of us brought it up.. i duno why when we were talking i could feel my heart beating so fast.. like its coming outa ma chest.. i can literally feel it beating fast, never felt my heart beat this fast.. like it was a big bloop beating...

had class next, so went into lecture... some how i started to have a headace and felt even more sad... then i felt like crying.. i couldnt take it, but i couldnt cry coz i was in lecture.. actual tears did come out but i tried to keep it in, i felt like having a breakdown... could not handle it, duno y i felt like this, i never expected to see him again, i am not that strong.. i think about it everyday... if onli this and if onli that.. i noe it wasnt his fault.. but if onli.. then maybe... those kinda things...

i could see his face expression, it was pretty much so sad.. do i look like that to other ppl as well??!! I wonder sometimes.. im so anti-social these dais... Im most happy when im wif ma bf.. but when im not i miss him so much... he's the most important person to me at the moment... but yeah couldnt believe i saw who i saw.. so many things i wanted to ask but didnt.. he said he hadnt been out since 6weeks.. etc etc.. after i thought oh yeah 6weeks... ever since, he never went out... i wonder how he's feeling.. beating himself up?! maybe... but i noe it wasnt his fault what had happened.. sometimes i cant believe its true myself.. not being able to see someone ever again.. its so hard to believe and come to terms with...

but any ways after class yesterdai when to visit ma second family, then when Andy was dropping me off home, we were in the car, looked in the sky and i could see a cloud that looks like a pig.. i was like omg is it a sign? lols... coz Vz a pig (born in da year of da pig that is) and she also likes pig.. it was actually a pig in the cloud forms... then awhile after i saw a cloud that looks exactly like a dog... wtf??!!! haha.. Andy is a dog (the year that is).. hehe.. the two most important ppl besides ma family... the clouds of their animals.. showed up last night... weird isnt it... a sign?!! who noes... actually never saw a cloud of pig shape b4 tho.. it looked exactly like a pig.. dang...

sometimes i question about what happens beyond life.. i mean i kinda thought whatever b4 everything had happened, but now that something like this happened i wonder more and think more about it.. sometimes i dun believe in some stuff.. but any ways enough complaining for one entry... I miss V, coz i miss all the things we do and talk about.. complaining about nothing.. we did that like everyday, but that was just us u noe.. and everything else... sometimes it drives me crazy.. be stong.. yeah at times i can be but others itz hard... i hate skol so much.. i always have and i still do... yet to do any hw.. dammm... should realli start soon...

i woked up wif pain in ma neck.. yesterdai ma neck also hurt.. i think itz coz the bag i use, those shoulder bag things like a hangbag kinda thing but in a form of a skol bag kinda thing, but any ways yeah my bag was so heavy yesterdai and ma necked killed after.. and my headache was still there until just now when i took some panadol.. but yeah i hate waking up wif pain.. it hurts bad....

tired

Dammm.. 24 emails for uni.. thatz what u get for not checking ur emails.. first week gone, didnt even checked it onced.. man im so slack... now i gota figure out how to use it.. either ma comp is so damm slow or i just duno how to use the site yet.. cant realli open, itz weird.. i duno.. i click on different ones but itz the same.. the mail shows on the right.. weird.. well hopefully i can figure it out.. so bloody hot today... cant believe itz Sunday now.. awww Monday tmr.. starts all over again... godddammmit... havent done nothing for uni this whole week... booo i suk... hopefully i can get ma act together and study... alot of readings and stuff to catch up on... Got family bbq tmr.. i'll let this week slide.. and study hard next week.. havent got all ma textbook yet.. coz i went on thursday, but they ran out on the most important one that i needed... booo-- well hopefully i can get it on Monday... Life pass by so quick... sometimes i just want time to stop while im in the arms of my hannii looking up in da sky.. hehe doesnt have to be the sky.. just being together... but things always have to come to an end coz of time... dammm the time... if onli it stops...

It's been 6weeks already.. i think about u everyday and miss u alot.. i wonder if u're watching over me??!!! Somehow i dun think u r.. i duno, im confused.. i want answers!!! If onli...