Yesterdai..

Suddenly saw him at uni, was using one of da computers, looking for da printer, turned right and saw him and i was like omg... there wasnt any printer there so i decided to log off and go talk to him... called out his name.. we talked for abit.. but we werent realli talking, not about the things we wanted to say any ways... b4 i saw him, i was thinking of calling him and asking what happened.. i mean i knew what happened but i just need answers i guess... i mean not answers coz i noe what happened.. but i just need to noe more thatz all... but neither of us brought it up.. i duno why when we were talking i could feel my heart beating so fast.. like its coming outa ma chest.. i can literally feel it beating fast, never felt my heart beat this fast.. like it was a big bloop beating...

had class next, so went into lecture... some how i started to have a headace and felt even more sad... then i felt like crying.. i couldnt take it, but i couldnt cry coz i was in lecture.. actual tears did come out but i tried to keep it in, i felt like having a breakdown... could not handle it, duno y i felt like this, i never expected to see him again, i am not that strong.. i think about it everyday... if onli this and if onli that.. i noe it wasnt his fault.. but if onli.. then maybe... those kinda things...

i could see his face expression, it was pretty much so sad.. do i look like that to other ppl as well??!! I wonder sometimes.. im so anti-social these dais... Im most happy when im wif ma bf.. but when im not i miss him so much... he's the most important person to me at the moment... but yeah couldnt believe i saw who i saw.. so many things i wanted to ask but didnt.. he said he hadnt been out since 6weeks.. etc etc.. after i thought oh yeah 6weeks... ever since, he never went out... i wonder how he's feeling.. beating himself up?! maybe... but i noe it wasnt his fault what had happened.. sometimes i cant believe its true myself.. not being able to see someone ever again.. its so hard to believe and come to terms with...

but any ways after class yesterdai when to visit ma second family, then when Andy was dropping me off home, we were in the car, looked in the sky and i could see a cloud that looks like a pig.. i was like omg is it a sign? lols... coz Vz a pig (born in da year of da pig that is) and she also likes pig.. it was actually a pig in the cloud forms... then awhile after i saw a cloud that looks exactly like a dog... wtf??!!! haha.. Andy is a dog (the year that is).. hehe.. the two most important ppl besides ma family... the clouds of their animals.. showed up last night... weird isnt it... a sign?!! who noes... actually never saw a cloud of pig shape b4 tho.. it looked exactly like a pig.. dang...

sometimes i question about what happens beyond life.. i mean i kinda thought whatever b4 everything had happened, but now that something like this happened i wonder more and think more about it.. sometimes i dun believe in some stuff.. but any ways enough complaining for one entry... I miss V, coz i miss all the things we do and talk about.. complaining about nothing.. we did that like everyday, but that was just us u noe.. and everything else... sometimes it drives me crazy.. be stong.. yeah at times i can be but others itz hard... i hate skol so much.. i always have and i still do... yet to do any hw.. dammm... should realli start soon...

i woked up wif pain in ma neck.. yesterdai ma neck also hurt.. i think itz coz the bag i use, those shoulder bag things like a hangbag kinda thing but in a form of a skol bag kinda thing, but any ways yeah my bag was so heavy yesterdai and ma necked killed after.. and my headache was still there until just now when i took some panadol.. but yeah i hate waking up wif pain.. it hurts bad....