Missing you

went shopping todai, wanted to buy new clothes n shoes.. but there wasnt n e thing to buy =( so after walking around da whole mall n didnt c n e thing nice to buy.. decided might as well watch a movie.. so we watched clicked.. it was pretty sad n emotional at some point.. its one of those feel good movies where you should appreciate what's important in ur life kinda thing..

I always keep my emotional well-being inside.. i miss vi lyk every single day that i wanna cry but i hold back n let it in.. i think thatz y im going mentally insane sometimes.. keeping all those emotions inside.. i mean its so hard not being able to see someone u care about n e more.. i miss everything about her.. i noe im not lonely but i feel so alone coz i feel i have no one to reach out to and express myself too.. i mean we used to talk lyk every day, many times a day.. to not have that again emotionally.. its hard... I mean i should appreciate the things i have.. lyk i do have a good home.. it might not be perfect but at least i have a home. a family and ppl who cares bout me.. and someone that realli loves me, which i noe but sometimes get annoyed wif.. wif lil things he does or doesnt do.. after i lost vi.. i always wanted to have a family of my own.. i dun mind getting married n having children at this stage of ma life.. becoz i would love to have a family of my own right now.. my own lil baby n that.. if onli i had stuck to my studying plan i could have finish studying by now n get a job.. then family n that would be reasonable.. ya noe wif a job n all.. but i still got like another freaken 2 n ahalf year to go until i finish ma darn studies..

sometimes i realli wish i'd win the lottery.. so i can finally buy a house.. n everything else... thatz ma dream.. maybe i should start buying them lottery things.. all i want is a nice house (so i can decorate it) and live in n that.. yeah im blabbing on about shyt... life is shyt.. we born.. we live.. we die.. soon we'll be old n wrinkly wif grandkids.. man that day is gona come soon.. life pass by so quick... I wonder how vi's parents feel.. i noe how i feel.. n they must be feeling 10times worst than me.. i mean i lost my best friend off 5years.. n they've lost their daughter which they've knowned n loved since the dai she was born.. i just miss her so much thinking of her makes me so sad.. i always hold bak the tears but its hard.. i also miss her mum.. and things lyk that.. she's so cute.. i miss all da things we do n plan to do.. i hate when i dream of her.. becoz in the dreams it would be lyk old times then when i wake up its like FUK it was onli a dream.. da dreams feel so real... =( to noe i cant have it in real life again.. makes me more sad that i'll never c her again... its hard living.. but i wouldnt want n e one to go through what i went through by not being here n e more.. i mean it would be easier but not for the ones u love.. any ways enough emotional shyt.. gona try n sleep.. i havent been sleeping well.. takes me ages to go to sleep n i always wake up in da middle of da night at different times all da times... =( ~~ well tmr ima gona go do more shopping.. wanna buy something nice to wear for this weekend..